Progress Post 8

Yes I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I wasn’t sure if it was really making a difference in my journey. I wish I had lots of positive things to write…but I do remain optimistic even with all my setbacks.

Ok so those books I was going to read are still sitting on my night stand. I keep renewing them but I’m too exhausted at night to read them and have no other time. Or I should say time I can justify sitting and reading.

I got fake nails put back on. Not sure if I really pick that much less, but it doesn’t create as much damage as my real nails. I just hate having to make time for the upkeep. It’s not like it is relaxing having them filled and I can justify getting a manicure.

As far as makeup, I am back to using it cosmetics cc cream as the urban decay was just looking awful on me. When I run out, I would like to try Tarte Double Beauty Gel Foundation.

Another new thing is I have started to see an esthetician. She is just fantastic and very understanding. She knows I’m a skin picker (obviously). I have only had a couple mini facials since she doesn’t want to do too much until we address my acne issue. It’s getting really bad on the sides of face. So bumpy and just disgusting. L She has me taking probiotics and cutting out dairy (which is not hard for me). She definitely thinks I am having a reaction to something. I tried cutting out nuts for two weeks but didn’t notice an improvement. I think I will try cutting out corn for two weeks. I have been eating a lot of puffed corn. I still use the OCM, but fear that it may not be helping me, but it really gets all my makeup off... I have also switched over PCA skin products. I am giving them a chance but haven’t noticed too much improvement. I’ve only been using samples so I feel like I have nothing to lose by trying them. Although I really wanted to go with all natural products…they obviously are not working. I want to believe that if I didn’t pick my face my acne would just go away, but I don’t think that is entirely true. Yes it would be much better, but still not clear.

I have seen my esthetician twice and have my third appointment tomorrow and I am getting very anxious cause she wanted to do a facial but I can’t have any open wounds. Well shouldn’t be a shocker to fellow skin pickers, but I do. I tried to do better, but just thinking about it makes me want to “fix” my face. Of course scoring the Internet on how to clear acne scabs in one day isn’t quite going to work out. I’m tempted to cancel, but I am out of products. I feel like a disappointment. I had two weeks to try and leave my face along and I couldn’t resist. Wish me luck. I will write what happened…if I can find confidence to go there…

Progress Post 7

So I went to the store to change my makeup. I was using it cosmetics cc cream. Loved the coverage, but the color was a bit off and the ingredients were not so good. I decided I was going to get Urban Decay Naked Skin (recommended by Jerra). Of course the sales lady was pushy and suggested a fuller coverage brand. (Thank you for reminding me of how much I need to hide my face) I have been wearing it for two days now and yes the coverage isn’t what I’m used to but I think it I just apply a couple layers it will be ok. I haven’t seen any improvement in my skin…but it’s only been two days.

I feel like my skin has looked better than it does presently. Maybe I have been picking a bit more. Ok just admit it I have. I can see there is a direct correlation between my skin picking and stress. I struggle with the face that I think if my skin were clearer I would pick less. While that may be true, I can’t help to think I will find something else to pick. Sometimes I wish I could just stay in the house for a couple days and not wear makeup to see if my face would improve. Of course with two kids I not sure that would go so well. Sometimes we all need a break J

So yes, I need to plan my next course of action. I am looking into reading a couple books on positive thinking and self-compassion. We shall see how that goes… 

Progress Post 6

I feel like there is a bit of a setback this week. I am still doing better than I have been. I have come a long way in the past couple months. ….but I can still find a way to “cheat” if I have access to mirror. Isn’t that awful! I am embarrassed to admit it. One problem I’m running into is that I am trying out a bunch of different mineral makeup, but I need to look in a mirror to put it on correctly. My old foundation way easy…not much blending and done. I could literally have it done in a few minutes. Although I know the color was a bit off it worked.

I want my make-up to look more natural not so cakey. Your makeup should enhance your face right? Well not if you have discolored acne skin… I am really striving to go with all natural face products and now it’s time for makeup as well. I have talked about powder and how it so far hasn’t been a good experience and now I am trying out all natural liquid makeup. I am finding the best coverage to be liquid then maybe mineral powder. I hate that it takes me longer to apply and I need better light. That is bad news for any skin picker. But I really want to see if changing my makeup will help with my acne. I really need to work on my self-control during this!

Another thing I am striving to work on is forgiveness if I pick. I tend to get so upset with myself that I just can’t let it go. One thing I am trying to accomplish is to accept what is done as far as picking and move on. Just continue with my day. It is so hard when all you can think about if how far you’ve come and now you take a step back…

Progress Post 5

So I only have a few open sores maybe 1-2. That is a HUGE improvement. I should be happy about that, but instead all I see is a bunch of acne and red blotches. It also doesn’t help that I am trying to find new makeup that is better for my skin but might not give me the coverage I want. What I have learned this past week is that I put too much thought into what my face looks like. I see so much more than anyone else who looks at me probably sees. I mean really who I am trying to impress…

Yes I have acne and quite a bit. I am working on improving my skin, but it takes time for these products to do their job. (When it comes to my face, I am not patient!)

As I had said in an earlier post I am working with an amazing seller from etsy (http://www.bearsbeauty.com/) to help me find products and a routine that will help me. I recommend her to any skin picker! Jerra (the seller) truly wants to help not just get my money.

I still need to constantly remind myself not to touch my face, but it’s a struggle.

Update of my fake nails: I really see improvement!!! It’s worth a try

Progress Post 4

I am trying to come to terms with living with dermatillomania. I still am striving to be free of picking, but there are going to be set backs. I have a hard time dealing with them. I am all on board to try new things, but I must admit I like to see immediate results. I need to be patient with myself and my face. I need to give it a chance to heal and then my acne will (cross-my-fingers) improve. I have been known to ask my husband how my face looks after I have gone one day of almost not picking. I shouldn’t expect much change, but I want there to be.

I recently came across this article http://www.stopskinpickingcoach.com/365-tips-to-stop-skin-picking-hair-pulling-and-other-bfrbs/ I think it’s worth printing and going through and rereading and rereading. You really have to find something that is going to work for you! 

Progress Post 3

So I really like my skin care products, but I would like to give it a full month before I give it a review. Just to see how much of a difference they make. It is definitely worth a try to go the all-natural route. There are so many different shops on Etsy. I bought mine from BearsBeauty. I have nothing but good things to say about the owner Jerra. She is just awesome at creating a routine for you and really will help you with whatever you need. She is very knowledgeable and has experience with dermatillomania.

Anyway, back to my progress. I tried the fake nails and they really did help.  If anything they made me more aware of what I was doing in the moment. Unfortunately, I did an at home kits and had to take them off after a few days since I felt like they weren’t put on good enough. I am thinking about getting them done at a salon, but I hate to pay that price and I worry about how well they clean their tools.

Still struggle with the mornings, but it seems to be a bit better. I just keep trying to keep telling myself that more harm than anything becomes of me touching my face. But easier said than done, right?

I am looking into an all-natural minerals makeup. I’ve narrowed it done to either meow cosmetics or Lucy minerals. I think that making the switch would be overall better for my skin. I am a bit apprehensive because I need full coverage.

  

Progress Post 2+

I guess I feel like I need to post again or at least type something out to reflect on my feelings. Yesterday I received a bunch of all natural products from Etsy. I have been anxiously waiting for them to arrive. Although I shouldn’t expect miracle, I hate to admit I may have high hopes. (More on the products on a later post) I started right away and I am apprehensive that there will be an initial purge. But after doing some research, I should not have a purge since I’m not using any chemicals. But..after trying a couple products last night and this morning, I am breaking out more.

Is it that I am more paranoid of it to work or did touching my face with the product make it work? Or am I just too impatient? Probably impatient…

So this morning was not good. It’s like I was so engrossed on if my face was smooth. I even put on another mask to avoid touching my face. It certainly helped in the moment, but then I wonder if that was bad for my skin since you are only supposed to do it a couple times a week. AHHHHH

My husband says I’m making it (the look of my face) seem much worse than it actually is. I hope he is right. I need to give these products a chance and I really want them to improve my acne, but I need to not touch my face either!

Side note: I stumbled upon this cool website http://cosdna.com/ You can type in ingredients and products and it gives you ratings on how lightly it will irritate you.

Progress Post 2

I guess I was hoping by now, someone would respond to my blog. I feel that having someone that you can relate to have a great impact on the success of recovery in something like skin picking. It is rare that someone can understand the urges and temptations we are faced with on a daily level. It is NOT easy to just all of a sudden stop picking.

But….I started this blog for myself and need to keep that in mind. It is for me to become accountable and self-reflect. If I reach someone, that is just an added benefit.

As far as progress goes from last week, I still struggle in the mornings with leaving my face alone. Although I feel like I have made progress as a whole, I am not satisfied. Maybe I expect too much too soon.

I have also been thinking about getting fake nails. I consider myself a frugal person, so I’m not really a fan of the idea. Nor do I feel like I’m the type of person that “goes to get her nails done.” I suppose the benefit might be worth it though…

Progress Post 1

So I said I would post weekly, so here I go. Things got a bit rough last week as far as my face picking goes. I was utterly disgusted with how it looks. But I am happy to report I am now on the upswing. I really think one of the products I was using could have been making my acne worse. More on the products I am using in a different post.

I recently started using a microfiber wash cloth at night to take my makeup off. This helps in that I am not feeling my face again for things to pick. Yay! It’s always nice when you find something that really prevents you from picking, even if it is minor.

My night time picking is also considerably down since I now give myself only 10 minutes in the bathroom at night to shower and get ready for bed. It is the morning that I continue to struggle with. I’m always the first one up and I don’t have any makeup on either which doesn’t help. I don’t want to put on makeup that early cause what makeup lasts more than 12 hours… I definitely need to work on that….